When you think of me
by Tess84
Summary: A short songfic based on the spoilers for 'The long morrow'. The song is 'When you think of me' by Swedish singer Martin Stenmarck. I don't own the characters or the song. Thanks to my beta, Katie, for all her help! There might be a sequel... hint review!


**When you think of me**

Lorelai sighed and rolled over in the bed. For what time that night she didn't know. She could almost, but just almost, make out Luke's features in the dark. Not that she needed to see him to do that. She knew every inch of his face and body by heart, and she knew she always would.

Which made this that much harder.

Luke had just shown up earlier that evening, claiming that he'd changed his mind, and that they should elope. Lorelai could still feel the knife his words had thrust into her heart without him knowing it.

Because they couldn't elope. Not anymore. And it was her fault.

If she hadn't gone to Christopher's last night, she could have said that they should just go, right away, drive to Maryland or wherever and get married the next day. But she couldn't.

She had managed to convince him that there was no point in leaving right away, that they should wait and get going first thing in the next morning.

But she wouldn't be there then.

_You look so peaceful sleeping  
You don't know that I'm leaving  
__But I'm gone  
Well I did my best to beat them  
But in my head the demons say  
__Move on  
__You wake up  
__You're gonna curse my name  
But as some time goes by  
__I hope and pray _

_When you think of me  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you _

Careful not to wake Luke, Lorelai got out of the bed. She heard Luke move and froze for a moment, afraid that he would wake up. But he didn't, so she made her way into the hallway and from there to the bathroom, grabbing a small suitcase that she had put out earlier, on the way. She had decided to only bring what she would need the next day. She would call Rory in the morning and ask her to get clothes and other things that she would use for whatever amount of time she would be gone. She really didn't know. She just knew that she had to leave, she couldn't be there and look him in the eyes when he realized what she had done.

Oh, how he would hate her. Not only had she cheated on him, but she had done it with Chris, the one person that Luke was actually insecure about. How could he not hate her, when she hated herself. She only hoped that he would be able to forgive her, one day.

Quickly, so she wouldn't change her mind, Lorelai got the necessities, tooth brush, tooth paste, soap and some other stuff and put them in her toilet bag. She had hid some clean clothes in the laundry basket earlier, and now she put them in the suitcase. She paused for a moment, and then picked up one of Luke's flanel shirts also, and put it in the bag with her clothes.

_I'm thinking about the night I met you  
I swore I'd never forget you  
__Well I won't  
I'm thinking about the way you live and breathe  
__Inside my dreams forever  
You'll be better when I'm gone  
__You'll be better when I'm gone  
Cause I know you're gonna fall in love again  
I'm sorry this is how it has to end _

When you think of me  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you  
Oh, when you think of me

She looked around the bathroom one last time, to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, and then left the room. She couldn't resist the urge to stop outside the bedroom door and look inside one last time. She could barely make out his shape in the bed, but it was enough. For now.

Walking downstairs, Lorelai put the suitcase by the door before going into the kitchen. She found a note pad in one of the drawers and started writing.

It was funny, she had thought it would be hard to put what she had done on paper, but the words seemed to flow, and before she knew it, she was done. Pinning the paper to the door of the fridge with a magnet, Lorelai left the kitchen.

_Cause I pick up these bags and turn around  
I say a little prayer and hope somehow _

When you think of me  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you

Grabbing her suitcase, Lorelai had to suppress a sob. God, she wished she could turn back time, take back what she had done. Then she could go back upstairs, crawl into bed next to Luke again and get married the next day.

But now she had ruined all that. It wasn't like it had been before, with Max, or Alex, or Jason, or even Christopher. She wasn't afraid of letting Luke in, she actually wanted to get married. The problem was that she had thought that he didn't want that anymore. And that had broken her heart. So she had done what she did best; she had pushed him away, even if he wasn't aware of it yet.

She hoped that she would come back one day, but, honestly, she wasn't sure. Maybe she would make a new life somewhere else. Maybe, but it was a big maybe, she would find someone else to love.

As she opened the front door and stepped onto the porch, she tried to tell herself that she would be able to move on with her life, even fall in love again.

Deep down, she knew that wasn't true.

_Oh, when you think of me  
Remember the way that I used to be  
Remember the times I held you tenderly  
Remember the way that I love you  
Oh, when you think of me  
When you think of me  
When you think of me_


End file.
